And I was thinking....

The expectation of perfection

2011-12-07T02:17:00.002+05:30

Cause when all people see and expect from you is perfection, they fail to understand you are one of them. And though you might be giving it your all, they cannot see the struggle within. They cannot understand the whimsical wanderings of your heart and the tiny tug of apprehension in the corners of your mind , The faint lines of worry around the smile on your lips, or the quiet laughter bubbling in your eyes while you try your best for your eyes to reflect their worries.

How often is it that I wish people could see me for what I am, rather than what I am with them. For my presence in the life of even those closest to me is largely a reflection of their expectations and beliefs of me.

Few people live their lives in a binary fashion, one with a scale that has but two measures, a zero or a ten, a shade of balck or a white. For those of us who do, life is brutal, a mockery of your beliefs and yet strangely calming in the realization that this is how it was meant to be. My adament and somewhat ridculous expectations stems from a trust that I feel only with a handful. It is when they deny me that expectation that it stings the most. For what is life that has no expectations?

Journey of a Delhi-wali to Territory of TamilNad - Part 1 (Food)

2011-04-23T20:51:00.002+05:30

It was almost 10 years ago when I stepped into the southern part of India. Took a flight from Delhi to Chennai and then rented a car to a non-descriept place called Vellore. To make matters worse, my dad decided he should make me aware with the entireity of the city and took me to the railway station. Two platforms (one apparently to bring in the train and another to let it go), one idli shop and lots of monkeys making a mockery of my situation.

Now imagine all this happening to you when you are 18, and travelling from THE city in India " Delhi" to a place called Katpadi in the middle of no-where.. You are right. I cried. I cried all the way back from the station, and all the way from the hostel to my college, when my parents said good bye and almost a month on the phone. Begging them to take me out of this place, sending me back to Venky in Delhi to do chemistry honors. To hell with engineering.

Food - Ofcourse.

My experience with the culture began when i walked into our grand old mess. Very messy ofcourse, also very ricey. Uh-Hullo? I was from the land of wheat, I wasn't asking for something fancy, but roti was not exactly a luxury I was asking for..or so i thought. Time and friends finally coaxed me into become a rice-eating Indian. Not without cursing the quality of the rice, lack of dal to go along with it, and making faces at the sabzi served with it. The only grace was dollops of ghee doled out free. (Yes, dint help the figure I know)
2 months later, I read a flyer on the mess door, inviting us all for a mouth watering dinner on occassion of our chancellors birthday. I actually dressed up and left for dinner with a bunch of excited friends, imaging tandoori chicken, naan and paneer. While the profs kept us away from the mess table for a while, chatting with us asking frivolous questions if we liked the food (no!) and other things, my eyes kept wandering to the table, before one of the profs noted my anxiety and let me rush to the table. I was super excited to notice the food table was looooong. I picked up the lid of caserole to notice.... Plain rice... sigh... next one to see... Lemon Rice... Next ...Tamarind rice...next...some green rice...next..sambhar rice..next ..curd rice... next... some sweet rice... next...pongal. I cried again. In the middle of the ground, in the middle of about 5-6 people. I creid. How can they do this to me? How can a feast be made of all rice? How, and why? I accepted that day that I must have been one of the gluttons mentioned as "sinners" in the bible to have been punished like this.

That day I gave up. Gave up on expecting things to be my way, food to be my way. Thankfully, a new light dawned. I started small, with rasam and sambhar, then with avial...then with the sambhar rice (which is strikingly similar to our khichdi) and then pongal. Idli and Dosa were a given. It actually tasted ok. Tasted good in fact. From there the journey of my love for sambhar started. With a vengance. So much so that today I am a proud cook of authentic sambhar, complete with the small onions and the tamarind water, and can make minimum 3 varieties of it. Still cant make pongal (though I am on my way to master it) very well, but can make a good dosa (With ready made mix), uttapam, sambhar, and even avial. We will talk about Kerala food later, but can make chicken and veggie stew mallu style too. Drop by sometime.

Being judgemental

2011-01-17T18:48:00.000+05:30

Before I begin - a disclaimer, My sentiments below are restricted to people's personal lives. Not their actions in public, not their work, and definitely not anything they do that touches anyone else's life in a good or bad way

Carl Gustav - “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”

"If I was in that situation, I would have never done that". Or, "If I was given the choice, I would have done it differently". Oh the audacity of our wild thoughts and confidence in one's actions despite never having been in the same situation ever. How quickly we categorize. How quickly we castrate the other's actions.

"Being judgemental" is a bad. And so none of us are to be judgemental- Myth.
All of us are judgemental. - Fact

What differs is the degree of course. Lets take a small little trip down the memory lane. Think of the latest disaster, broken relationship, story of betrayal, lust or love you heard. Did you have a follow up conversation about it with your friends or family? Did you not have an opinion about why the girl decided to have a live-in-relationsship with the guy, or why the guy broke the girls heart, or why the kid couldnt bear to see himself fail and committed suicide? Ofcourse, they are all the weak, less fortunate, less capable human beings who have succummbed to some weakness/flaw or the other. And so who just died and made us either moral police or even capable of understanding the other person's life?

Till we've lived another life, in the finest detail and the very same everything, by everything I mean, family, people, food, habits, experiences, friends, situations, lifestyle, money, education, reading, just everything, how in the world are we able to make a judgement about another person's actions in a certain situation? I fail to understand. Coz the above is never possible. I mean cm'mon, if it was me we were talking about, and I was able to even live my life in the best way I thought possible, considering all that has happened and will happen, I would think its a life well-lived. Spare me the other person's plans and actions please. Coz if you and I were so perfect in what we did and how we did it, why do we on an average spend an hour at the least, in a day, wondering why shit happened to either us or our families?

I am not trying to say you shouldnt have opinions, but very often we forget the power of these opinions. Some people dont have them, and they listen to you and your opinion and pass it on to some others. And that is not fair. Not fair to the people you have an opinion about. Coz they never got to discuss or explain their point of view (if they wanted to).

Also, in all fairness, do we really think of things as they are, or more often than not what they seem to be? Prejudice in most of these cases rule. Ha, but then again, prejudice is a timesaver. You dont really need facts for an opinion, do you? Do you seek the facts out? Also, how moot is the point of having an opinion about someone's personal life. I mean, they never did anything based on your opinion did they, neither are they going to change anything based on it. So why generate un-needed energy? Negative or positive?

Lets end with another quote by Paulo Coelho - “We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

Loving someone..one smile at a time..

2010-02-20T07:59:00.004+05:30

And before everyone starts thinking I have fallen in love with a normal mortal. No. I am talking about a love story which has now completed 13 years. And none of the associated itches have ever come in between.

To make things even more clear , (coz I know some people will not read any further), I am talking about SRK. Yes. I am in love with him. Why? I know why. Its not cause hes SRK. He' the heart-throb of millions, and clearly glamorous, nd people in general tend to despise people who ove celebrities.

No. I am a normal girl. Girl with normal hormones, girl who likes normal , real guys and a girl who accepts reality as it comes in its normal way. Yes, and thats the reason I love SRK. Allow me to explain. Its when reality gets too tough to handle (and trust me , for each of us it does), its when life seems to be going outta control, and your hormones seem to be getting the better of you, thats when you need one safe anchor. One safe thing, even if its in your mind..that will never change. He who cannot touch you, he cannot hold you, and he who does not even know you, has very little he can do to hurt you. He who you can imagine to be what you like, imagine to be the perfect man (even when you know he is not). And not just as a lover, but as a friend, that you can talk to, even if its literally in the air... Someone who you can belive has truly grown with you, coz you watch his ups and downs and feel the swing with him. And imagine him to do the same when the cycle crosses over to you.

No offence to parents or god. We all know you are there. But you can hurt us too sometimes. Even if you obviously dint do it on purpose (or else we are in trouble).

My friends deride my love for him. Think I defend him too much, think my love is false. And maybe they are right.

But I do not love him in the sense the world understands love, or even I, (on my normal days) define love. But when I come back home frustrated after a specially hard day of work, or after I lose something important..or feel the love has given up on me, that one smile of his for the cameras, the one picture of him with his kids, the one visible togetherness that I see of him and his wife (which may or maynot even be true)... that feeling I get..I find it very hard to define. And who is to say its not love? And please tell me, whats wrong with a little fantasy which takes you away from reality for a little bit. Cause please remember.. I do not become weak or frivolous later.. I come back and deal with it, just with a little more strength.. one smile at a time :)

Sometimes the world is too bright

2010-01-07T08:13:00.002+05:30

I know the start and the title will sound a little weird, but try and put it in perspective.

So all of you have gone through days which were all gloomy and you felt like everything in the world is wrong. That everyone in the world was after you and no one had your back. That you were alone and no one really cared. Most just pretended.

Ignore the above if I sound morbid, but logic tells me most of us have had that day
Coz have you gone through days which were too bright? I go through them sometimes. Not very often, but when they do happen, I hate the sunshine (which I usually am a big fan of).
Everyone looks too happy to be real. Everyone (minus you that is), has that perfect relationship that you have been yearning for. Somewhere that guy is proposing to that other girl in the most perfect way you would want it, and guess what, that girl is probably not even liking it or accepting it.

Someone out there is getting that perfect raise that you truly deserve, and their career is shooting off in the right direction, while you are stuck in that boring old job.

You get the picture. So what do you feel? Is the world too bright? Or too gloomy? Or is just my crazy mind putting the same thing in too perspectives?

Men and the environment

2009-06-09T13:04:00.002+05:30

While the women of the world, and India in particular are doing nothing to stop the global warming and slow disappearane of the greenery in and around their vicinties, the men of India have taken a big step towards helping us curb this problem.

"Going green" has another meaning to it for the menfolk. "Going pee-ing" is more like it.
We are all grateful for it. Aren't we?

Imagine a well built up area, in short, the cemented graveyards that we all live in , specially in the metros. On occasion, (more than you could number), you will see that man on the road who is standing and watering (literally) the greenery around his town? Isn't the tree a shade greener now? Those small bushes of green that you see around your flat, the patches of grass on the side of your walls, are all a result (well not completely) of the men of India doing their part of "going green".

For as long as I can remember, these men have been doing the job. Make no mistake. They do it very proudly too . Imagine these situations.

When you take a trip to some hill station, you will notice that men don't care for a washroom (unlike their female counterparts, sadly) and hence, travelling in India is not so difficult for them. I am sure, if they had the same trouble like womenfolk, we would have seen a plethora of well kept washrooms in the country. Coz when men have a problem, we fix it. No one really cares, that women too travel, and they too need to respond to the call of the nature. Nope,hold it in, lady
When you travel in your city you will come across "paan-stained" walls on the roadside. If that was not enough, you will see in big black.red letters "Yahan peshaab karna mana hai", and you will see only about 10 guys trying to make that very sign unreadable by peeing on it.

The best thing to notice is the apparent attitude with which the guys do this. There is almost a look which says "I am doing the city a favor"

Sorry guys. It is sick, disgusting, un-civic and plain embarassing. Get your civic thinking hats on, and stop. Get a "washroom"!

The growing up of an average person.

2009-04-18T14:29:00.005+05:30

All my life I have been an average person.

In middle school, when popularity was the most important thing; I wasn't the most popular by a long shot; Sure I had friends, but the most popular. No way.

In college, when beauty seemed to be the theme of the years; I wasn't even close to being that either. Sure I had my days when people would tell me I was looking nice and was well dressed, but those were those on-off days. It wasn't the norm, and people still never could force themselves to say that I was "beautiful". Even jokingly. The best I got was cute. I hated that word. I did get popular though. And yes, I did get good marks to bring myself to attention (that wasn't the plan but heck!).

However; that was the time I got this feeling of being an ambitious person. How? I will never know. It wasn't just external factors like friends and family. It was something within. I felt like I could do things that other people could dream off. It wasn't entirely true of course.

When in the university, you needed all the things all good girls should have; Starting with beauty; if not beauty at least a plan to get things done. You needed to be dumb (or at least pretend to be one; remember you are getting close to the marriage age) and by this time you should have been domesticated. You know; know all the things you need to be a good wife. Again, I was neither of these things. I still am not.

But I did get to do most of the things I wanted to do in life.

I got myself class A education. I got selected into a fortune 50 company. I fell in love. I loved till it bled the shit out of me. I work and live independently. I have a mind of my own; which I am not ashamed of (incidentally). I have read at least 5 thousand books. I write. I sing, I dance. I play with kids. I have a good set of friends. And I have a wonderful family which loves me anyway I am.

I still am not happy. I am not sad either .I just probably am restless.

Is it because I am born "sad" or is it cause I am beginning to see the futility of life?

I struggled against the people who wanted me to be mediocre. I struggled against people who wanted to stifle my views and way of working. Truth is I might be sick of fighting. But I dont see any other way out.

And this takes me back to a time when a well meaning friend said "You have got into the habit of fighting and arguing about everything in life". She dint really mean it I guess. But 4 years hence. I am still thinking.

Its not like I don't try. I do. I want to give up sometimes to life and let it take its own course. But not one single decision like this has made me any happier. I am still as upset. So if I am going to be upset like this anyway, why Cant I do it MY way?

Life is such a roller coaster. Nothing beats you as much as life does. It sucks and then is beautiful. You have your ups and downs. I am not saying that that's not right. However, I do think about the end result of it all.

What does one get at the end? Don't give me adjectives like satisfaction, and that "everything can be described".

Don't get me wrong, I agree life is a journey. But every journey should have a destination. Wat's mine? Wat's yours?

PS: If I sound like I am restless; it is probably because I am. Or it is probably cause I have a stomach full of noodles which I am not able to digest without feeling guilty. Such is life. Takes away the best of things from you and expects you to be happy about it. Why should I be? Don't expect me to be waving a white flag at the end of it all.

Social Message Teleserials

2009-03-22T11:18:00.002+05:30

Yes,

Thanks to lifestyle now. I have enough time to watch TV serials now. And yes, I am not afraid to say I find some of them very interesting. Not to say I dint watch the serials before, but my time was usually spent on truckloads of Prison Breaks, Heroes, House MD etc. I found them funny and less straining on the brain. Who wants to come back tried and from work and then complicate your brain with the atrocities of life? Not me!

So you can very well imagine the grin on my face when I saw some serials on the Hindi Channels. The grin and smirk was even wider when I saw the following names : "Agle Janam mohe bitya hi dijiyo"; "Uttaran" ; " Na Aana is des laado" and its likes. I had a good laugh at the names and swore to my self I am not going to watch these ones! I mean, what is going to happen to my "Oh-So cool" rating? And plus, These issues CANNOT be explained by these TV Serials right? They are like big issues, and not meant for me.

Well guess what? I started watching some of them. (Whether it was an accident or a pre-destined happening, I will never know! ). And guess what again, I slowly overcame the inner "argghhh...I am not cool anymore" factor to realize, these serials are not any less important than other activities in my life. I don't mean to say that my watching these series is going to solve any issues, But it atleast got me thinking. And I honestly, feel very uncomfortable watching them.

The same uncomfortable feeling I had when I saw Taare Zammen Par, and RDB and those series. Why doesn't my generation , me in particular (since I cannot take the liberty of assuming what I am thinking, everyone should) , think about these issues man?

For example, when the big bad aunt of "uttaran" gives the food which is rotten and fallen on the ground to the maid's kid, and feels good and big about herself, I am taken back to the numerous times when as a kid, I fought with my mom for not giving away my old clothes to the maid servants, and blamed her for being too generous. The simple delight on the kid's face (whose talent I have to mention is no less than any of the big stars) is so heart warming.

Then, when I saw the "Agle janm " serial, it started with the whole "grin" factor. But the simple instances in the serial make you really cry (Well, Ok am exaggeratin), But they really really make you uncomfortable. For example, when the poor father of these 4 kids (I am never gonna figure out why these guys have so many kids), works day and night and gets "Khaini" in return, because the landlords think it is fun and luxury for the guy, makes me think of the times when many of us fail to understand the other person's limitations and needs.

Have you ever wondered why we argue with the guy who sells vegetables, or the coolies at the station, or the guy who sells coconuts for measly 2/3 rupees adjustments. The minute he says something, you think he is trying to rip us off. At the same time, why have you never argued with the "Shoppers stop" guys, or "Lifestyle" people, when you know they charge you way extra, than what the commodity deserves (even after accounting for the things like AC (which sometimes dont work), and other "not visible" comforts? ). Is it cause you are concious of other people and your social status when you go there? Where is all the bravado when you go there? (I am not trying to suggest that you pay irrational amounts, but sensible amounts, mabe 1 /2 rs extra?), Won't hurt us. Very sure of that.

Funny right? The guy who could really use those extras 5 rupees for making his life better vs the rich lifestyle stores, and you still feel the former takes advantage of you. Not funny. Deplorable? Maybe!

Oh and by the way, yes world, Am watching those serials. Makes me think and take corrective actions. I think all of us should. I am not working for their TRP's but watch one of them and see the difference. Great going guys!!

Contradictions to the "greatest"

2008-11-21T14:43:00.003+05:30

This is not the first time I have thought about it, but I never managed to solve this problem in my head ever. Finally writing it down, maybe that would help me clear out what I think in the first place, and comments are welcome. Why is it that when the world thinks something is great; I usually tend to disagree?
Heck,

Noticed how people talk about those “greatest” love stories and say… They lived a very difficult life, and loved each other so much that they died together?Is this really so?

I mean is this really great? Or is that love story which does not lead to people dying together, but forcing them to live with other people all their lives, knowing that they don’t love them, more difficult and "great"?

I am not talking about the “date and go” kind of relationships here. But I have for some reason always felt, that it is much more difficult to live a whole, complete life, while knowing that you yourself are incomplete by not having the one person you loved so much. It might have been your decision, or someone else might have made it for you. It doesn’t matter. In my view, I think the guys who die together, took the easy(easier) way out. I would have considered their love story a greater one, if they have went about their life, knowing they are not the happiest they could be. Isn’t that commendable? Or harder? I am not saying thats the way.. but...

Of course, such love stories always get hidden with the societal and family pressures, but they exist. Atleast I think they do. Why is it that they are never taken notice of? Because we are better, (read: safer) this way?

Its not just about love stories. When you really mean to find God, is it easier to leave everything and go to a place where you can be alone with no one to disturb you, or is living your life every minute, completing all your societal, financial, work and family duties, and still managing to spare ten minutes a day thanking him ( maybe begging for more! ) better?

I am not saying that the people taking the alternative ( read: saintlier/ greater) way are not that, but I don’t know if that the only and the best way it could be. I think God meant us to live the life he gave us. Aint no need to leave it and walk off...
I don’t know… How do you know when one thing is the right thing?
Aaargh..

Lunacy Strikes

2008-10-29T15:46:00.002+05:30

It isn’t even enough to just say Oh my God! It just isn’t. Because no number of such expressions can even begin to describe the absolute lunacy we are witnessing here. Is it really true? Are we now, after discriminating on the basis of caste, then religion, financial status, now beginning to discriminate on the basis of geography? Somebody pinch me! For the people who haven’t deciphered that I am talking about the discrimination and the fight against the enemies of Marathi manoos, well, that is what I am talking about.

Let’s trace back the events a little.

It all started with the Bhumiputra Campaign of the Shiv Sena, a brief about which is given below: (Wikipedia)
“Thackeray, then a cartoonist for the Free Press journal, initially targeted the growing number of South Indians by inflammatory slogans like "lungi hatao pungi bajao" (referring to the lungi, a Marathi word for the traditional men's dress in South India) and "yendu gundu" (a derogatory description of the Dravidian languages spoken by the people from South India). During this period, Shiv Sainiks launched a string of attacks on the South-Indian owned Udupi restaurants that were becoming popular in Mumbai. In a similar manner, Thackeray later targeted Gujaratis, Marwaris, Biharis, and people from North Indian states like Uttar Pradesh ('UPites') through his speeches. Moreover, Thackeray threatened a number of local industrialists and businessmen with action unless they offered preferential employment to Maharashtrian people.”
They did this, and no one reacted? Why???

Cut to scene 2: It’s the same story all over again. This time it’s the estranged nephew. But the politics hasn’t changed. The people have, the methods have just gotten worse and the government still remains a mute spectator.

Only the last week, one of my German friends looked all confused when I mentioned that there is virtually no action being taken against the people responsible. It was even more confusing when I mentioned that the party is an opposition one, and not the one ruling the state. Aren’t two warring parties supposed to interject each other? Why is then the chief minister of the state silent? Is he part of the conspiracy too? Of course, then we had to slip into a long drawn discussion and explanation of the way our government reacts. The lone crusaders are the representatives of the victims. Our prime minister who of course is one of the people I believe to be the sane people in this mad world of politics, is by his very nature, mute and deaf to such problems as we have seen before. An analogy between Bush and Singh? Both are worried more about external affairs rather than the internal ones! Having said that though, we know ultimately there might not be a comparison at all.

And then a man, who has been labeled “mentally deranged, lunatic” etc by the media and the state govt of Maharashtra (someone please check the facts before you go ahead with it), comes into the picture. A 22 year old man, frustrated after the beating up of North Indian candidates, holds a bus hostage and demands an audience with Raj Thackery. What is the best that our governments’ teams of negotiators do? Talk to him for 30 minutes and then shoot him down. Ironically, the government, police and our competent Home affairs minister, who is little more than a lame duck, says, violent methods like what this man used will not be tolerated, and people such as these will meet the same fate as the youngster above. Now now now! I thought we were on a Satyagrah( peace protest) against Raj Thackery and thus have not responded to the stray incidents since over a year, and more prominent ones in the past few months. I thought that’s the reason we wouldn’t arrest the man! Did we change stances somewhere! And dint the beating up of the railway candidates and the lynching of the laborer from UP even remotely resemble Violence? Wake up people! What’s going on? Are we all trance- walking? Or did we suddenly all consume some kinda drug which puts all to sleep? Or are we all blind?

Well, I suspect there’s more coming from where this was. What do you expect people to do when the govt does not do the very least which is expected of it? And why isn’t the sane Marathi (who outnumbers the insane ones by a huuuge margin) start speaking up?

I don’t think the guy was crazy, or deserved to be shot down. If he had to kill, you couldn’t have stopped him and he would have shot dead the people he injured. He wanted to talk, and since he does not have the political and police backing of people like you, this was his chosen way. I do not and will not support the way he did it, but then lets reserve that discussion for the same time when we earlier and in future will discuss the movie Rang De Basanti.
Nor did the laborer from UP deserve to die cause he was making his living in God's own city - Mumbai.
And the taxi people and the lower working from class from the states do NOT deserve to be pulled out and be beaten up or burned alive. They are doing this job cause maybe at some point you thought you were too good to do the job.

For all the many things I dislike America, I do admire one thing greatly, and that is the philosophy of "The best one for the job, gets the job"
Meanwhile, God save this country and "North" Indians

Days gone by

2008-10-14T22:23:00.002+05:30

I used to laugh at people who said, that your college days were the best you will ever have. It was so lame. So cliched... So something which everyone said again and again. I promised my self I would never ever preach anything like that to anyone. And i intend to keep it.

But who is to stop me from sharing what I feel today after 3 years of letting it float by.

Its not that the time was perfect. There were disasters. Agreed, Maybe not as big as the ones i faced later on in life, or maybe the ones which are yet to come. But in their own way, they were the biggest. They broke my back with their burden. I lost a few friends, a few probable relationships, a few moments of pure bliss.

But what i gained was unmeasurable. I learned what having a crush is all about. I learnt how obssessing about someone can bring you nothing but pain, how it wasn't healthy . I learnt how some people always stand by you no matter what. I learnt how special I was to so many people. I also discovered what ingredients a perfect life might have.

A year after I left college. The year was understandably different for me than for my other batchmates. I was in another college. The only thing was, the campus had gotten unimaginably bigger, my batchmates older, and the academics more demanding. My earlier friends took a backseat. Of course, not that i forgot them. They took a backseat. Life became more complicated,
more simpler at times. Other people took a precedence. It was not that I was not happy. I was. My older friends hater it. Why wouldnt they? They were struggling to make their mark in the world, and I was blissfully ignorant of their problems. But i wont blame myself. I was happy. I had some moments of pure bliss. Some memories which will always be with me.

But eventually I yearned for the people i had lost. Some were special and always will be throughout. Some i even forgot the faces of. Some call me once in a while and I cant even place them, after numerous reminders. Its so strange when i think we shared the same part of the universe for 4 long years. So much was built, but built on sand. And we never realized that.

The good part in my post graduation is, nothing even survived long enough for me to say, I built something. So there would not be a sense of loss with it.

Its ironic. People change, times change, situations change, but you just cannot force memories to change, can you? The guy who broke your heart will always be that, the guy who broke your heart. The friend whom you hugged first, would always be that, the huggable one. Thats their identity.
Thats who they are, to you. Theres so much we build. So much we carelessly leave behind.

Whose at Fault?

2008-08-22T16:20:00.000+05:30

For all those who might think that I am trying to preach the lesson of regional bonding or on the other hand, think that I am trying to be defensive in my next argument, I request you to not read ahead and in spite of my warning if you do, I have every right to not care.

For years, all the ones that I have lived and bonded with people, I have taken many different identities. Although I am bad at learning languages, I adapt to the culture quickly, along with the habits and nuances expected from any harmonious culture. I have given different kinds of introductions to people. But the big draw always comes when I take the name of my home state. When you say “BIHAR” there are three distinct reactions you can expect, fear, distaste or a scorn. Never in my quarter century of life have I ever faced any other reaction. And to be honest, there were times I got angry. Angry at the fact that no one gave us a chance and no one looked beyond. But then I stopped caring. Right like I mentioned at the start of this conversation. But this article is not about that.

Its about the difference I feel when I connect with anyone back home. I don’t mean my family. They are like me, a little difference here and there, but the educated lot behaves the same anywhere, more or less.

Its when you talk to the people who have been living there all their life. The ones who see a mockery of their language everyday on TV screens and yet just laugh it off. The ones who see the whole nation make them the scapegoat of any thing wrong, or blame it for being the black sheep amongst the big prosperous white woolly herd. The ones who are unaware that the minute someone sees a rickshaw puller, a driver or a guard anywhere in any other state, don’t trust him just cause of his home ground.

But they do know a couple of things. They know they are the cradle of the so called civilization as we know it today. They know that the “ganga maiya” they are so fond of, and pray, adore and fear is the one which sustains more than half this nation alone. They also do know that when you talk to anyone, your language and style of speaking should drip with respect. There is a certain sense of “tehzeeb” which they keep. They know that they are the hardest working lot. After all, it not easy to take a nation 2500 km end to end and cover it fully by acquiring different jobs in various domains.

They do know that they make up a big part of the scientific research community of the world. They do know that out of the 100 who qualify for the civil services every year, at least 40 belong to their state alone. No other state holds that record. They do know that the minute there is a competitive exam, they will ace it. No wonder even Tamil Nadu is full of Biharis.
They do know all this. Or are they too busy trying to defend themselves from accusations to even notice all this. It’s nothing to be proud of. Its just a way of life. A way of life which other people are either scared to admit, or just too blind to see.

I will not do what others do to my state, but my humble request would be to know your state better before commenting on someone else’s ground. To remember its after all India.

Did We?

2008-08-07T17:51:00.000+05:30

It isn’t the first time when I have thought about this. And thus am going to write it down. At the risk of sounding a prude, or a snob, that I might be made out to be after this, I am still risking it all.

Yesterday evening, as I stood at the top of an escalator at a mall, wanting to go flying down, rather than take the stairs (I agree, its not great for my health), I found my way blocked. I just couldn’t move ahead. As I looked up, I saw a woman with her entire family (running to about 12) standing at the top of the moving staircase. Her children were jumping up and down, and she was frantically trying to hold them back from jumping on the escalator, and presumably avoid the kind of fate the other 6 year old had met at the Delhi International airport couple of years back. Their father was clinging on to the staircase the sides and screaming at the children to stop. Her sister/aunt or someone was trying to experience the escalator by going up and down and smiling comfortably all this while. This would have all been fun for the kids and the aunt, but for the fact that they were blocking movement of close to 100 people waiting to get on that escalator.

You see, the twist does not lie here. At this point, I would like to tell you that the family was one from the ones labeled as “lower classes”. Fresh into the concept of a mall, the children had no idea what a line for billing at Spencer’s was, and pushed all about trying to get their chocolates billed. Well, sure. The power of the rising Indian.

For those who know the restless soul inside me, you would have probably guessed my reaction by now. Either would have made a comment, or something like else like take the staircase. I did neither. Instead, I stood there watching them and evaluated myself on the two thoughts, which came one by one sequentially to me.

The first was the instant irritable thought. Why are these people here? I hate the concept of the rising Indian. These people are everywhere. Making long queues at the airport now as well. What happened to the royalty associated with flying in the skies? Ughh, Give way lady.
And almost instantaneously, the other thought cajoling me to be nice and polite and let the children swing their way through the escalator for ten/fifteen minutes while me and others behind me stood trying to get into our respective vehicles and drive away to other important things. And that we should all be benevolent and patient and think about the rising consumer, made up of these people who are somehow connected to all the money and decisions we make in life. There are people I know who are strong advocators of this. But I know somewhere they are just justifying that other urge in their conscience, which struck me too. How many of us can really say, yes we never get annoyed when they block ways, make scenes, when their children run wild in such places, when we see them taking the very next place in the airplane?

That’s still not strange. The strange part is, have we forgotten where we came from?
Not all of us were born into riches. Dint we all experience the thrill of the escalator a first time? Going up and down? Wasn’t there a first time we flew in the skies? I still remember the first time not so long back; I tried to use my debit card at Westside.
It was a funny scene. The store clerk kept saying something in Hebrew, and I had no idea what to do with that thing in my hand. I finally figured it’s his job and not mine and gave it to him. At one of these reality-singing shows on TV, one of the participants was mentioning that while she tried to get an audition with various music directors, she met with rude, ridicule ridden comments. She blankly asked one of the judges if the biggies forget where they came from. He didn’t know what to say, and of course, as part of the show, he dint fit the bill.But her question begets an answer, did we?

About life after IIT

2008-07-12T21:05:00.002+05:30

It isn't easy.
Really isn't. Sometimes I sit and wonder how the very same city which was such a safe heaven...seems out to get you.
But it isn't really. The city is the same as ever. What changes is who presented it to me. Through IIT's eyes, it was beautiful. Just a place where you went out for fun, a dinner..maybe a movie.
But now when for the first time, I am battling the traffic, haggling with the auto guys, waking up at 6 in the morning to get drinking water in the house, fixing the place up, it's like I never was here in the first place.I wouldn't say it is all bad. Infact, for the first time I think the lessons of the common man, and everyday life are reaching me straight and direct. I am better off now I believe. People seem more human and realistic, if that statement makes sense.

All in all I miss IIT. For the relaxed life, assured benefits and atmosphere it provided. I sure miss it. But ironically, in two months, I have been back only once, and it seemed strange, unknown. I am still to figure the reasons out.

Mail@Paneer Butter Masala

2008-04-20T17:29:00.003+05:30

Hi Mr Paneer Butter Masala,

I am here as a request from all those people who have to eat you, no matter whether they want to or not.
Over time, due to either conditions the Indian Society created, or plain dumb luck, you seem to have become the one thing people think other people will love, when they themselves are not too fond of you. Please do not be offended. But due to some mystery, you seem to have seated yourself comfortably on the top of any party's menu. You sit there, as one of the first items to be visible on the table.
Of course, we do like you. Depends on how you are dressed up. But the truth is, we do like other things too. And since you seem to follow us around wherever we go, we are just a little bit tired of seeing you over and over.
Coming to me, see I fought my way up to the food chain, and some people who invite me, seem to respect me. So a chicken dish saves the day for me often.
But when i look at the ones who out of some reason ( don't get me started on them) have decided to only feed on the things which seem to not move from the place they were born (a.k.a have roots firmly in the ground), I really wonder, if they like you as much as they say they do? I mean they have even fewer choices than me. Do they still like seeing you every party? I doubt it.
Now why I am writing this is, that after a few conversations, I realize that I am not the only one getting increasingly fed up of you. There are others too, but they can't seem to build up the courage to say so. Well I am saying it out to you.

Please tell the people who so lovingly cook ( but only for others ) that we like seeing you only once in a while. Not everyday. No. My stomach has lodged an FIR in the police station that I am trying to drown it by pouring you down its length everyday, and that as a living organ, it has a right to variety in life.
You anyway seem to have lost the exclusivity which once seated you on the throne of the menu items. Obviously, something which is everywhere, cannot be exclusive anymore.
The worst part is, people have done so many horrible screw ups with your dresses, that they just put one spoon of butter as a layer into something which resembles you and call you Paneer Butter Masala.Please let them know you object to that. After all you have a broken reputation to build.

As a first step I would recommend that you call a meeting of all your chefs and let them know that they could experiment with your brothers and sisters, Kadhai Paneer or Bhurji as well. Let them face the heat sometime, why should you always sit on that simmering oven? Please remind yourself everyday in the mirror that you will go only to the people who really love you, and not pretend to.
And also, please let people know, that the other person is not loving you as much as they think they are, and it is ok to admit it. We need to remove this taboo from the society.

Ps: While we are at it, Could you please call up Dal Makhani and let it know that your future awaits it too? It should rapidly think about gaining some exclusivity. I could help with the brand building if it wants.

Thanks for listening to me,
Your's (Once) lovingly,
Lavanya

Lazy afternoons...

2008-04-15T15:25:00.007+05:30

On a lazy Tuesday afternoon while i bunk class... i have a dream of a master meal : :)

Start with sparkling wine.. then to a creek side salad...

then fondue.... main course has a plate of steamed pomfret.... to end with an inspiration

Every Woman needs a man to hate

2008-04-07T10:26:00.002+05:30

I know the usual... Everyone needs somebody to love; more so, every woman needs to be loved. Yes. True. Yet, my blog questions...and infact...states...that In the heart of every woman, there is this small box which has this small memory, or wants to have this small memory of a man she hates.

Basic Principles - no woman wakes up saying "God, I hope I don't get swept off my feet today! . Thats the opening line from the movie Hitch.

And it couldn't be truer. Every woman wants to be loved, cared for, appreciated, treated like a queen. Ah! Bliss defined in words. Coz no matter how independent you are, you like that comfort of a man holding you close and whispering you little nothings. No matter how strong you are, you like feeling that you have reached that safe haven once you are with him.

But you know how they say, that you need something bad to have happened to you, to appreciate the really good stuff in life? Well that holds true here as well. You need someone to hurt you, in one way or another, so that you can really appreciate the next man who comes along with a your label on him.
Now some women can take this the opposite way, "I won't ever love anyone again". Though I am sorry for being opinionated here, I think thats not necessarily true.
Love again Lady, just don't forget the tiny little black box of hate. That tiny black box is powerful. See, it holds the worst memories of your life quietly tucked away. The one's which brought you regret, shame and maybe even anger. When you start looking, then you know what you hate. You know what you don't like. You avoid Mr. Jerksss..till you get to the final one.

What's the role of Mr Jerk? Or the man you hate? Well he can be more powerful than Mr. Perfect in reminding you how beautiful your life really is, (without him). When something good happens to someone... we become used to it... But has anyone ever become used to hurt or pain? No!! Never will...and Damn those who say that they do. They don't. But pain has this strong strong power to make your realize how great life can be without it. Trust me.

Now let me introduce a even weirder angle to this. Lets say you meet this Mr.perfect X, after being hurt, or being left by Mr. jERK. It's a little too much to hope that MR. Perfect would never hurt you the tiniest bit. At that time when you safe haven is, well... not safe anymore, then what do you do?. Won't this small box which holds the memory of the man who hurt you (I.E, Mr. Jerk) , help you realize what you have when you begin to have doubts about Mr.Perfect too? I believe it will. Coz then the real essence of what's happening in your life crops up.

So, more than anything else, and maybe more than the one who loves you, i think you need someone to hate, or someone to have hurt you. Sounds sadistic I presume, but then the powers of hurt and pain are many. I don't know to wish it upon you or not, but well, at anytime, it will and can help. That I guarantee, just remember how to use it

Full stop

2008-03-30T22:40:00.003+05:30

I promise this to be my shortest post.

When you realize that you have more songs to sing,
and more people to imitate while dancing,
When you realize that there are yet more faults with the system that you could have straightened,
When you think that there were more friends to be made,
and more people to shout along with,
And when you scream along with a hundred other voices that "you" are not one of the hundreds

Then it hits that its over.
24 years, or cribbing, exams, fights, parties and friends. Its gone. I am what I am, and its all coz of the past 24 yrs. Its over.

AND IT RAINED : to our juniors with love from the correspondent of the batch of 2008

2008-03-24T16:50:00.001+05:30

Provocation is a two edged sword. I ain’t quoting Shakespeare or the Greeks; I am putting word to my intuition. Sometimes when you try to point out things which might hurt the other person, remember you are opening yourself up to scrutiny. You are letting your weak links out. Of course, a wounded tiger would be weak, but then only till he is wounded. When he gets back on his feet, he will search you out and maul you. No one is perfect, not even you. Yes, not even you.

Verbal Fights, sarcasm, being personal, swears, even being physical. This DoMs day out saw it all. After a week of intense competition and drama and what not, the grand finale was about to start. The teams were all revved up. And as they prepared to trot out into the ground, there it came, the pitter patter of raindrops. And everyone was running for cover. You could see it as an indication from God. The God which said; enough of this! You maybe aren’t getting what it is meant to be. It rained and rained and rained. Nonstop, for half an hour or more. Two minutes into running for cover and then suddenly the warring factions were seen jumping in the mud with each other, the same smile on each ones face. After all, you give a bunch of boys a ball, an amazing ground full of mud and the burst of a shower, what else do they need? I don’t know if they saw it, because they were in the moment. But as I quietly observed from my corner, I saw it. I saw the hands going up in high fives, the slipping in mind, the snatching of the ball, and the quick furtive smiles they passed amongst themselves. Suddenly it was all gone. The second year girls carried the first year guy’s bags, the first year guys came and gave food to the second year girls. It was beautiful.

I do not hold a degree in English, but I know to touch the real chord of someone’s heart you do not need to quote lines from Greek or Indian mythology. I know when you really want to reach out to someone, all it takes is a good handshake before a good fight, and an equally strong one, after you lose or win with your opponent. That’s why the real sportsmen follow this as a tradition. After all what is a sport without sportsmanship? What is sportsmanship without giving it your best and yet knowing that it is but a sport? It ends when you get off the ground. The real sportsmanship is sometimes demonstrated even off the ground, by keeping your cool, by minding you language, by giving credit to the name of the game of cricket as a gentleman’s game. Both sides fought it out. Fairly, yes. Squarely, yes. The winner deserved it. He took it all. You cannot take it away from him. He’s there because he deserves it, not because of luck, or whims and fancies of yours. Play the game, but only the game, not your lives. Don’t gamble the respect your have earned, not the love which was showered on to you. Somewhere maybe in the process of learning Greek mythology, we forgot what was told to us in our very own epics. Respect your elders, and love the ones junior to you. Why go so far to learn the essential truth of life?

These two years have been a pleasure for us. And there have been three essential components to it. One has been the batch above us who welcomed us to DoMS, one was of course us. The third component was the batch that would see us setting of in our different directions and waving us a good bye. As this chapter of our lives comes to an end for us, with the last event of the year wrapping up, it’s a bittersweet time for us, but hope you carry on the torch and receive every blessing that you might need from anyone to make the best for yourselves.

I wonder Why!

2008-03-21T08:50:00.000+05:30

Sometimes I wish I could really open my mouth and ask the 100 questions which pop up in my head all the time. There are so many things I want to ask each one around me.

There are some people I want to ask, how does it feel when you are in-charge of something? Do you feel the power? To tell the other person to go to hell?? Or the other person to do what you want or demand them to do? Do you see people doing wrong things and you having to tell then that what they are doing is wrong? Does your voice rise up ten notches? Yes it does. Look back. Have you ever looked back and asked yourself, did I actually punish the person or find faults for a right fault? Then why did you punish me? When I had much bigger responsibilities than you, or at best same as yours, and did not do half as much as you did in less than half as much time? Authority does that to you. Sometimes you got to tell people when they are wrong, that’s what your job demands. sometimes you have to raise your pitch up, sometimes. Its fair as long as you do it, and when the other person does it, you give him/her the lesson of decency and corporate behavior?

That’s a weird category of people. Hypocrites I call them; or maybe confused, both anyway the kind which I stay away from you. Such people either create trouble, be rest assured, they never will be genuine to you.

Then there are these people who forget. That’s another category I stay away from. What character do you associate with someone who does not remember who wronged him someday, or for that matter pulled him out of some mud swamp someday when everyone let go of you. I don’t understand, because I cannot understand how that works. How can you? Or can you? Or do you just pretend to? And if you just pretend to, what signal am I supposed to get from you?

There’s one more category. See, I know everyone lives for their own life, does everything for them. Since we live in a world where a wrong and right is not decided by the morality of the issue, but from how many people in the world have collectively subscribed to that philosophy. They are this dangerous class of people; seemingly harmless, but a person who in 25 years of his/her life could build up an identity for himself even in terms of his personality, and has never witnessed loyalties in life, never heard of what commitments are, never believed in the philosophy of actually being what you are, all the time. Ouch! Danger! Big danger! I have burnt my fingers once, and boy, I take baby steps now literally.

Humans are truly complex beings. The weird part is how the anger swells up in me. Look at the irony in life. You do something to make the other person happy, and then it seems you become the liability in that very process which you did in the first place for that person!!!

One thing I know for sure about myself at the end of two years. I do not function on the rules of this world. What my heart says I do. And rightly so, am glad my opinion about most people at the end of it all has not changed so much. I have also learnt to accept one thing, What is mine is mine. What is not mine, ill never let it be. And for good reason. It somehow doesn’t match up to be what I set the standard to be mine. You might be a wicked person, a bad person, or an angel. But be what you are. That’s all I ask for you to get my respect. If you are wicked, be wicked. If you are an angel, be that. What I hate, no, loathe is the right word, is hypocrisy. Don’t be nice to me and then go behind my back to do some shit. You lose character. That’s it. Of course, this is in my opinion purely. I can never accept people who cannot have the guts to back what they think with their words.

Cause you see, that he end of everything, when you look back, what you remember is the small ways you made a difference, if you ever did, and not the ways when you just blindly followed what the mob around you did. Remember that.

Inability to Understand...a human fault

2008-03-13T22:55:00.003+05:30

I don't know if film makers understand this... but there are faults with making an exceptional movie...telling a story which moves you... cause you see, when you you touch that hitherto hidden nerve of sensitivity in the human heart, which somehow makes him think, and more than that, puts you to shame... then something else happens.

The mind accepts it as a brilliant movie...a movie which is par excellence.. but it refuses to watch it again...guess what the reason is? It either puts you to shame, or makes it so difficult, that you just cannot watch it again..And thus after my 11th unsuccessful effort to watch the re-run of the movie "Taare Zameen Par", I am forced to explore if its just me.

It brings me back to every time that I have smirked at someone for someone for some fault which is not theirs, some bodily dysfunction. Make no mistake, its not that I have forgotten about my own handicap, of being over weight. It just seems to fade out at that instant. Maybe its a ruse for me to forget my own problems and take out my frustration on someone else. I don't know. At that instant, laughing at someone's hair, or being too thin, or even too fat, or a funny walk, seems like the joke of the hour. The person opposite smiles back, but who else would know better than me, how it hurts. It's something which you forget after saying a stupid sorry, but ask the person who bears the brunt of the joke. People often aplaud me for having teh capability of laughing at myself. Little do they know, that every person who has been the victim of a stupid joke like that and has said that its fine and it doesn't bother them, is lying. Nothing more than a full stop after this line for this. It hurts.Period. A pinch, a small wave of nervousness which threaten to come on your face and taking over you, and the series of mini fights you keep fighting to be in charge.

Its not so bad all the time, some times you understand. Its not all that dark. But that's besides the point. I wasn't trying to say how difficult it is for me. The point is, even after being on that side of the road, I still do it.And everyone else does it too. No one is perfect, even the best of models have had to undertake "corrective surgery". You correct a wrong, so don't give me that crap of just trying to make it better. The name says it all.

What I am trying to figure out, is that why even after knowing it might be difficult for someone, does the other person take pleasure in hurting the other being? Forget situations when we are not aware. In the movie the parents are not aware of the child being a dyslexic. But that is not surprising. What is surprising, is how willing we are to find faults with some, not giving the person a chance to discover themselves. It's like an inhuman need.. the need to find faults, to laugh, to scorn. Oh god! What a dark side. Its crazy and disturbing. If someone's not bad enough to be doing something which can be publicly ridiculed, then you start comparing. Make him feel bad. He has no right to be happy. Why should he? Are you happy with yourself that he should be? No sire, you are not! And thus it follows that he should not be either! We wont accept people the way they are, no. That ain't done.

Why are such prejudices creeping up in my mind? Have i always been a victim of them? Why does my mind classify a thinner person as a more confident person? A fairer person as a more beautiful one? I know the truth, why does my mind still mask it? Why? What is wrong with me? Do i like hurting people? Is it why it hurts to see the movie even for 5 mins again? As soon as the scene where they say they cant believe he is the younger brother of the meritorious student appears, I just cant watch it anymore. Am i going crazy? Or is there more to this?

What an inhuman side to humans.

The charm of old time romance

2008-02-18T21:43:00.002+05:30

This is a weird thing to write about, the issue being so personal and all, but well...

This comes in the wake of watching a movie...Jodha Akbar...
And before people say that arrghh...i hate that movie...Well, each to his own... I liked it.... Not so much for other reasons than due to the fact that i was reminded of something which i don't see in people around me. I have been witness to a lot of relationships (so what if they were not mine, you know with girls how it works, your friend's relationships are yours, you live them in one way or the other).

The simplicity of life was so unspoken of, you married someone your parents chose, you lived with the guy thinking he owned you, You cooked his meals and slept in his bed. What you got in return was his unfaltering care and if you were lucky, then his love too. His friends were yours and so were his whims and fancies.

Now you come to me and ask me, or any of my friends, if what you got in return suffices for what you gave. And the answer would be a big no. So what? You got his love and care, and you gave them too, so why would you do all that extra work? Why would he own you? Don't you have your life? Your own friends?

All my girl friends are going to kill me for this, but I agree with men when they say, that women are just plain difficult. Agreed, they are a ray of silver in a man's dead life, or the sunshine in his house, but to be that, they make things so complicated. They lack the beliefs of the old era woman, but demand to be treated like an old time princess. They won't like you telling them what to do, but when it rains hard, they need your shoulder and you to understand them. They'll speak as if they are the biggest revolutionaries in the world, but one thing which might be a wee bit dangerous, or even a little rusty, and they'll start asking their husbands/Bf's about it. Women like thinking that they are liberated and equal. Maybe they are, but it depends on what you call equal. I have my own reservations about that definition. The problem is...they are overtly complicated...

Well, you would say thats pretty much so from the other side too.I beg to differ, men are stupid, but not difficult. Atleast, not most of them. What they want is what they say.What they want you to do, is what they tell you to do. No hidden meanings, no hidden words, not one of all those things. The problem is ...They are overtly simple.

Men and women alike actually have no reason to remember the old time love. They are happy the way they are. Flowers and dates and cards make up for everything. The men know it, the women know it( hate it, but cant help falling for it). Men, egoists, would'nt want the woman to take decisions.
Yet, in the olden (presumably the times when women were opressed). The QUEENS helped their husbands choose the best for the country. Their opinion was sought after. They sat through courts to oversee the proceedings. Men respected their women, atleast the one they married. There is something about that look which a husband gives to his wife which speaks volumes about his heart, contrast it with the innumerable phone calls and dates , and still they are not sufficient. They never had love marriages, but understood the essence of love, some where down the line, i think better than us (believers of the new' age love).

I don't know if this is the demand of the time, for men and women to be like this. But I do know that the adage times change, is somewhere manipulated for us to justify all that we feel is wrong, but think is right. Love is love, was so then, is so now. What is amazing is that we have converted the meanings and come out with such amazing words for it, which are all the more glamorous, and couldn't be hollower. Before you start thinking am a freak who doesn't believe in love. Let me tell you I do. But the expressions i believe in are very different. It makes life beautiful, would have made it more beautiful, if men and women alike, stop thinking in their minds what they have lost to achieve it.

Redemption

2007-12-12T23:59:00.000+05:30

So finally the day arrives..

As they say, nothing can change the fact that life is a circle.
Life always is fair to everyone. Or so they say.

What happened with me yesterday, i.e; on 11th of December will not be remembered just by me, but am sure another handful of people. Life was not meant to be so difficult for anyone.
For many people, its just another thing they will gossip about, put the infamous g-talk status messages about, make sarcastic comments about.

But yes, you don't always learn only from the ones who are elder to you. Sometimes people with "no experience" of the real world are the ones who actually come out strong and sensible. The "experienced" people...well maybe experience is just an over-used, out of context used word in many places.

You also have to learn to deal with people who have no basis for their judgments and opinions about you. Like someone said; maybe they just don't like your face. Tough for any rational person to understand, but well, no other go; you have to understand. They will be mean to you at every opportunity that they get, and you have to deal with it.

Freedom of speech/ expression and action is not all that great a thing. There should be something like "restrained freedom" which should be given. Every individual needs to be respected. But every individual, sadly enough; does not have the capacity to understand what you are trusting him with.

Its not the achievers you need to be scared of, its the ones who are not. You see, achievers will always achieve by their own will, the ones who don't will take every possible opportunity to pull you down, coz thats the only way they will climb up.

People use others for their own advantage, sad is the state that the ones being used, never understand the same.

Life is a big experience; the people you once trusted take the slightest opportunity to harm you, and the ones you never believed existed; stand by you. Learn to distinguish the good from the bad., the good from the ugly.

Ingenuity is the sole pillar a man and his soul stands on. Its the start of every finish. It is what is truly in every terms, something that can not be defeated. It is the cornerstone of success.

At the end of a very traumatic experience; (at-least I hope it is near to the end). I know i have come out with valuable learnings. I stand vindicated today in the court, and have every possible reason to be happy and carefree. I did my job, and did my job very well. I now believe I am a person of worth; worth which is not easy to build. It takes patience, personality, and more than anything " being genuine" . It takes time to build character; destiny doesn't build it, it is the output of your character.

This thing called life...

2007-11-04T13:56:00.000+05:30

Well...

This thing called life is great...and though i have'nt written in a while... its not that i have been doing nothing...
Its just that all this while has been spent in understanding lots of things...including the complex thing called my own mind...

Have observed people... been hurt by some..loved a lot of them...felt great....felt down...done well...done pathetically... and this great gyaani now declares that what other gyaani's have been saying is actually true...."Life does come a full circle".

Its not that everything is happening like i want it... or not happening the way i want it.. or that i have topped the class...or become popular....

But its still beautiful.... u know how they say... there's always a dawn after dark...i feel liberated... maybe the weather has something to do with it....maybe...its the rains...maybe its the cool winds...
maybe everything is still wrong...and nothing is right...but like.."what the heck" .:)

Viva....revival?

2007-07-29T23:46:00.000+05:30

Yes! thats what this is meant to be...a revival of sorts...where we dig up the graves of the subjects we had dutifully buried!

Its an awesome week, with the weather finally becoming more like me...crazy! Its raining...and raining...and then sunny...and then raining... My friends are back...life seems to be normal...after the ordeal of the summers....well am no one to be complaining actually...i had a terrific summers....a month and half in delhi..mahabalipuram..bangalore... etc etc...it rocked!

But classes start tomorrow...it back to the drill...getting up at eight...blah blah! And to top it all off, we have the viva on friday....Hod says he wants to see what we are really worth...am worried about that, wont that be too much of a revelation? :) Am not sure he's ready for that! Any way..the way i look at it is, sure this week is screwed...but god save the panel which meets me! Its more of their problem than mine :)

Sigh...Friends are back...and we havent been able to really go out and have fun....all coz if this Viva....It aint fitting in!
Need some inspiration...not just another negotiation.... Why should i study...tell me again!!!!

Hoggen-Akkal

2007-07-11T18:28:00.000+05:30

OK!
SO i know ...that the title of the post doesnt really make sense to you.
But for me, it spelled a break, a break i made from the monotonous life i have been living for the past year and half.
Yeah sure, it wasnt really monotonous, but this was F-U-N
A quiet little place...complete with mountains...valleys, trees, and the mail attraction--waterfall...and not one...but atleast ten of them...
180 kms from bangalore..we travelled by a Sumo... 8 of us..the company was awesome, the route was too. Started at 6:30 in the morning...and ended at 10:30 in then night...

The only reason why you wouldnt probably want to go to this place with family, would be the one million men, who have made these falls their private swimming pool. You can sit by the falls, get an oil massage..{absolutely indian style! } done, and then take your shampoo and soap and bathe yourself in the falls.
though it sounds great, for a minute, we girls, had no where to look! Ruins the fun for us.!

Add fried fish to this setup, and i mean fresh fried fish, and the place rocks.
10rs for a fish fry...ten rs to happiness.

Lots of rocks and hills for trekking purposes are within walkable distances.
We went boating too, in a boat which was round in shape, and the guy dutifully tuk us to a whirlpool, where he twisted the boat every way he could. personally, i hated it! my mind started swimming, but the others had fun...

The company was awesome, the group was a sporty one. We had a godsend to take care of us girls, and that definitely saved the day.
Would be a great trip for someone who plans to take a weekend off. Try it. You probably wouldn't see any hot babes, but the babe called nature, will rock you to the very core.
Its the bliss people hope for, and dont manage to find the time for.

Refugees in your own country, why would you still say you love your India?

2007-06-22T18:21:00.001+05:30

Yes, they still do. Special invitees, the children of Kashmir, come to Indian capital, Delhi every year to stand by and sing some patriotic song, or wave flags claiming they love India. I beg to question them. Why do you? What has this great country given you, that you love it so much? Why do you sing, vande- matram? When all this country and country’s people have given you, is 12 long years of living like refugees in your own country, while the parliament debates whether an outsider: Taslima Nasreeen, should be granted permanent citizenship?

12 long years of being hounded out by the state’s terrorists, who Mr Bush called freedom fighters, till they punched him in the stomach, these men and women, the pandits, the Hindu’s have stayed in conditions which can not be described till you see them yourself.

And they still say, they love India. Why would you want to stay in a country which doesn’t support you? Of course, they claim to, but do they really? Why would you want to say this land is yours when 20,000 of you have died cause this great nation of ours couldn’t protect you, provide for you?

You are the most literate section of our society. You are touted to be one of the best looking. You have a rich heritage, attached to your people mind you. Not your country.

Then why is it that you have been beaten, and thrown out of your homeland?

Why is it that we treat them different? I mean the one who have ousted them? The people still living in Kashmir. Why does every clause of our constitution treat Kashmir different? Why can’t we apply the same laws there? Just because these “freedom fighters” who are supported by US and the likes, protest for the same? Treat them normally. Treat the terrorists abnormally country! Not the residents. Why give them special privileges which make it even more evident how not integral to our country we consider them. Sure, for somethings, you need special rules. Not for every clause. Not for every happening.

Guys! You nizam made a decision. It was to stay with India and not “PAK” istan, who is made more PAK {pure} everyday with the blood of a human being. You are an integral part of India. Gone are the days when we claimed that we got our revenues from tourism from you. It’s a beautiful valley, mined, where every step can bring you disaster. And you peacefully co-existed with your fellow pandits. Weren’t you? What did they do to deserve this? They follow a religion which is different from yours. So do some 100 billion people around the world. Does that give your reason enough for not letting them return to their homes?

They have done nothing to deserve this. So Mrs, Sonia Gandhi, while you are on that thinking spree of what to do with Taslima Nasreen, maybe you could spare a few minutes for these people who have become refugees in their on country. And still, go on loving it with as much passion as we do.

Are you a Hindu? No i mean "did the priests certify you?"

2007-06-14T09:24:00.000+05:30

The story is such that it really wont matter what someone would say about this issue.
I am a Hindu, proudly so . Why Proud? That's a matter of debate maybe.
I am not proud cause i think i am special , nor am I proud because in India you have a better standing if you are a Hindu. Neither is the reason that Hindu's are assumed to have some kinda special genes in them.

Am just proud to be living the dictates of a religion which is the oldest in time. Oldest again, not cause of anything else. Just cause of the fact that it has evolved with time, has changed with people, and never imposed or restricted its believer to any diktat. You can be a Hindu and eat pork, or be a vegetarian. You can believe in Idol worship, or believe like Kabir that Idol worship is not correct.
Hinduism just doesn't care. All it cares is that it has given you a set of principles which will help you live your life in a way which will be beneficial to not just you, but to your surroundings too.

Now why is this fact, so difficult to understand? Who has been designated to decide whether i am a Hindu or not? We are people who carve out our own identity within the so called borders of our religion. Why? is the Guruvayur temple priest insisting that the minister's son and grandson are not Hindus? As Hindu's believe, the religion, region etc always belongs to the dad's side. Don't they? Then why does he have an issue?

And even if they are not? Lets say they just wanted to see how our hallowed temples are. Let's just assume that they wanted to pray to "our" Gods. Maybe it gave someone some kind of satisfaction which they were looking for. Whatever be the reason. Who are we to hang outside our temples sign boards which say "Foreigners and Non-Hindu's not allowed" ? Any body remembers that our freedom struggle started with the sign "Dogs, and Indians not allowed? " Oh ! so that was not done, but this is. Just cause some high priest thinks so. Well. No sire. We wont have it. Not my generation. I remember taking one of my Muslim friends to a temple. And the priest was not able to make out that he's a Muslim. I mean, How would you? God has not been angry about it. He's not given me any indication that i committed a crime. He wanted to see, he wanted to feel what we talk about. So we took him. No offence meant to anyone. And i guess its no one's business either.

Why don't we try actually finding out what Hinduism has been preaching Mr. High priest? What do you say? You and Me?

All I am sure about is, there is no page, which needs your attestation, for me to prove that I believe in its doctrines. Not yours!

This part of my life is called...fooling around

2007-06-06T07:11:00.001+05:30

With a big bang, my summers started. I entered the big corporate world {of course, just as an intern} . Met this really sweet girl who became my guide. And the best part of it all. Got a great project assigned.

Now till here, life was perfect. Then came the news, that i dont have to go to office. Then came the news that it is gonna be a combined project { 3 in 1? } , which i dont really mind, coz am working with some really nice people. Not going to office? People would be happy about it. I was too. But then it just seems like i never am gonna have that office experience. After graduation i joined IIT M for an MBA, so i never joined a job, which almost all my other friends did. Now as a summer intern, in the whole of DoMS, me and my fellow project mates are the only ones who do not have an office.

And of course, for a jabbermouth like me, being alone, and i mean absolutely alone in this huge hostel of 500 rooms from 8 in the morning to 8 in the night, is , well, an experience.
Arrrrrrrrghhhhhhhhh!

Oh well, there are lots of plusses to it. My already ruined skin is not exposed to more damage, by goin out in the sun which seems to have just landed on top of my roof. I dont have to spend money on travelling and food. I can get up when i want and sleep when i want. I can go out anytime i want. I can roam around in house clothes all day long {no formal clothes for me etc etc}. I have access to net all the time, i mean all the sites. {People have firewalls in offices}

Like they say, looks for the silver lining in every dark cloud.

You have enemies? Good..That means you have stood up for something, sometime in your life. {Churchill}

2007-05-31T09:25:00.000+05:30

I think i find my greatest comfort when i read the writings and quotes of these great people.
They hit you straight in the head, clear your apprehensions, and make you see the truth.

Isnt what he said true? Have any of you ever stood up for something in your life? Any thing? It might not be the right thing, but it was something you believed was right? Whose to judge whether it was correct or not. Am not talking about something that you without reason, rationality or patience fought for. You see, standing up for something is very different than fighting. When you fight, you do so with either of the two intentions, One, that you want to convince the world of what you said. Second, the world stops you from doing what you want.

Standing up on the other hand generally signifies only one thing..that you believe in something, that you wouldn't want to loose, and no matter what it takes, you know that it is what you want.
People hate you for it. Trust me. They cant see someone being rational when it defies their rationality. They cant see someone being so convinced about something, when most of them have no clear values or principles they live by. Make no mistake. I am not trying to say they are lesser than me in any way. All I want to say is, that they are the people who wont let me be, and I wont stand it that way.

I have stood up for somethings that i believed in. I have done so all my life. Maybe that comes out of my background, of belonging to a beaurocratic family. Of belonging to a family, which boasts of people, who though live in the system, have always tried to make it better and more just. I got into trouble even during my under grad due to this, but i have never regretted it. I have been rational, and hoped for justice. And luckily so, achieved it in the end too!
But the enemies i have made on my way are tremendous in number. But then, what's life without a little fun :)

Dilwalon ki dilli....

2007-05-12T12:03:00.000+05:30

Its that time of the year...

before you go on thinking...that am talking about some great weather change, or some great event scheduled to happen..nopes...am just talking about the time in the year..when am back at home...home is delhi for me...and boy! what a home...and what a welcome...

I have spent five years of my short existence...away from this place. I have fought for it.. {no, i wasn't part of the army, i just mean,within my peer group..when those mumbai vs Delhi fights happen}... and the feeling of nostalgia is never more strong than the first ride from the airport to my home. I cross my school..i cross those wide {wider than mumbai, chennai, etc etc} road..i see the swankiest cars by my old Amby..i see the place i had dreamt of being in..{IIT DELHI..for btech i mean} ...i see my pet fave..golden dragon {Chinese joint} ...i cross the by lanes of that horrible Kalu sarai where i have WASTED , yes wasted two years of my life trying to do some coaching for JEE....I rush past through Alkauser {knowing only too well that i ll be back in no time to eat }.... and boy! i feel like this is it...i never want to leave..not now not ever.

Sure...everyone loves the place they have grown up in...i have people i know...wouldn't say lots of friends..cause frankly i don't know where most of them are..i am NOT one of the elite crowds in Delhi...who spend the night outs..hang out with friends..etc etc..nope...i leave my house once a month...to meet the girl whose been my friend...since the past ten years {the word..best! has lots its relevance in this case} ... i meet her for 3 hrs..and am back at home. Now people don't mistake me...not that i am bound at home..or no one lets me out..{people who know my sister...would say that cant be true..shes out all the time..} but well...that's me..lethargic ol' me..}
I have never known what NIGHT LIFE is all about...am back home by max 12 {that too if am with parents} but the sad part is...i never ever felt like i am missing something...i was happy at home..doing nothing..or barely anything...

Now that am back another time..yes..i have been through all the above mentioned motions... and yes...ha vent stepped out so far for whatever reasons...
but you should see the welcome...this grand dad of all metros has given me, its beautiful...raining...not too hot even in the afternoons...decent traffic this time..{i dunno Wat they did! }...and boy! woohoo! cars galore...
of course it comes with its problems...mom wants to get out of this place..too high ended..to snobby! people don't give a damn...water problems..and people...well ...they are nice..as long as you keep your nose to yourself...and do not antagonize them...the sad part of being a delhiite is...you grow so accustomed to people minding their own business..that the great Indian charm of bonding etc etc...is all lost...that's the one thing...i belive is horrible about this place..no one has time for you...lots of times..even your parents....etc etc...but then...even heaven ain't perfect...
i love to argue for you my dear...coz i know..whatever comes and goes..metros may come and collapse...anurag basu and likes will make movies on you...but you are the grand dad..and you have the charm... the attitude..to shut everyone up... and with me by you side...your cause will always have a voice...
the beautiful minarets which you see all over..the " tareeka" with which the waiters wait on you "available in desperately short measures in Chennai etc etc" .... the food! .... the weather...
heaven is here.... invite all to come and see what life is all about...what style is all about...what good looking people are all about...and what cuisine is all about....

What would you prefer Miss? A Frankie or an Operations exam?

2007-05-11T18:24:00.000+05:30

I love this place. Well maybe am not addicted to it like you guys are, and you have to give me credit for it. I have been here all of eight months. And funnily enough, am in the first year and in the pre-final year too. But in a place 2500 kms away from my home, sharav has literally given me a roof over my head.
My description here is about a night, a description which might seem funny to many.
So there I was, looking at the big library walls, for the first time.
Mission: to study for my operation exam the next day.
Am a faithful IIT student, don’t study too much, and its sacrilegious to even consider studying before the time comes, that if I don’t, I never get to sit at Gurunath and have puffs again.
Let me take you to a time little before this. Our announcement board, the green board said, Frankie night tonight.
Dratt! I forgot, another night when the sharav junta has fun, and me has to study, it’s a feeling all my classmates in the MBA dept have always faced.
I made up my mind, even if I get kicked out for not performing well, am gonna attend this night, see all the oh-so-lovely ladies dance and have frankies.
So while I studied in the library, my mind kept drifting off to any hint of music that might begin to emanate out of sharav, signaling the start of the night. Of course, it helped that I had another friend, who herself is a foodie, to remind me to keep checking with people still in the hostel if the coupons were out. Two hours later, yippee! They opened the SAC and let us in for the coupons. Oh the feeling of contentment. Went back to library to study. And then it struck 7.
"Can’t wait any more, cant we go?" That was my friend asking me, someone who never wants to eat before 8, was hungry at 6:45.
The power of food! managed to make her wait till 7:30 till I had understood what scheduling was all about, but the only thing the master schedule seemed to center about, was the shakira song, and the smell of frankies. So at 7:30, bang, we were there at our beloved basket ball court which doubles as throwball court/volley court/baddi court/ talking court. Yes. That’s the only place in the whole of the hostel where you get un-interrupted network. Ask the people on the ground floor.
Couple of my classmates were dancing to the music. And it was so tempting. So tempting, that we dint care, put our bags on the floor and joined the horde of beauties dancing there ( of course, once we were there, you couldn’t really call the horde a beautiful one J ) . the feeling of freedom. When you know you have an exam which threatens to ruin your career, or whatever might be left of it, when you know you have a long night ahead, and inspite of all that, you could not care less. That’s the feeling I had longed for, that’s the feeling which made me feel I could go for anything in life.
Of course, the frankies were the major attraction, but somehow, we all forgot about that. The organizers played good music and we gave them full credit by moving to every number that came on. Whether it was a regional song, and English song or our beloved govinda music, whether it was northie, or a southie, or a middlie, anyone and everyone was enjoying themselves. It was my first time I was out with the sharav junta, not caring about anything, and boy did I love it. You felt right in the place where you belong.
And yes, I did manage to write something in the paper the next day

Adieu

2007-05-09T18:28:00.000+05:30

Yeah,

I bid my good byes. And my mind drifts to the time when LSG sir had calmly told us, that time will fly. Now i know this is overhyped - over written line, the one i mentioned above. Because i belived i had lived every moment of my life. It never flew, there was just this one smooth transition. I never thought i could have done something more. I mean sure, i could have done somethings better, but more? No Sire! Never thought i could have....But now i see i could have.

It took me six months to mix with the so called "seniors" They never were! They were always a part of me, an intricate part of my life. Sure, i dint see them everyday like i saw my class, but so many decisions, so many discussions with "my seniors" .Well sure, they were mine! And what a bundle of talent this was.I smirked everytime LSG called them the breakthrough batch. Yeah sure! right! But come december 2006, and i actually understood the exact meaning of those words. I was priviledged enough to see every moment, every single twist in the happening that time. The hard work that went behind it, the patience, the decisions, in every sense, to a fresher like me, well, it was an eye opener. I was learning, learning for something better this year, but well...life had different plans. I am glad i got to be a part of that time, to hold on to a moment.
Let me tell you why,
you might think am talking abt the great grand placements we had..well yeahs, sure, that too. but that was not what i was talking about. What i was talking about was the spirit. Sure, lot of people go on and on , and explain the meangin of spirit, specially to people who don't really know what it means. Coz you see, the spirit is within, its not taught.

This batch had misunderstandings sure. I heard them all the year through. But when it counted, when it really mattered, i saw a whole bunch of 64 people, i counted them {may have included some of us} standing by to hear the result of one student, and how exhilirated they were when the good news got out. I saw a whole batch, not complaining once, and waiting patiently till the last guy got through , that happiness, could have easily take n over their own placement's happiness. I was fortunate enough to be invited over to the celebration party, and boy was i glad!

I have some great friends here, koshy being my favourite, and so many more. And i am gonna miss them all for sure. Miss them for the one year i have left. The terrace parties are not gonna be same without them. The elective choice have just become a td more difficult. I am gonna miss working with them, yes i did, and i had a wonderful time. they hated me on sight, but by the time they lfet, i managed to BREAK THROUGH! :)

As i say goodbye {why in the world would it be good!} I just wanna say i hated you during sports week , hated it when you took all the trophies, etc etc, but i loved you too, not for what you were to me, but for what you were to each other! Remain as you are...

Trust and Suspicion

2007-04-20T23:40:00.000+05:30

Oh someone please call our old friend mr.gandhi...call him, coz i need to talk to him, i need to know what truth is. wat the whole fuss is all about. he advocated the truth, i want to know who was he to define it, and create such a fuss about something which can NEVER EVER be taught, it has to be inherent, if at all. Why would he want to force people to be honest, i thought he knew better. Dint he?

Its rare that someone will trust you, trust you with something with all they have. whether it be a lover, or be a friend, or a classmate, or even an aquaintance. you have to work , and work hard to prove yourself to him. you have to slog, you have to do everything possible under the sun to make sure you justify their trust. its all you get. its all you get in return for anything you do to anyone in the world. Rarely people understand its value. some abuse it, some use it. some fight for it, some do not have to do anything but sweet talk to get it. methods and methods.

But what do you do, what do you do when it breaks cause of no reason. You work hard, you walk that extra mile, and then again, you are human, you make mistakes. you make a few of them. But they get glorified. Not of course, like glory, but like notoriety. And the worst part being, you cannot do a damn thing about it. Someone decides you are not good anymore, not fit anymore, and you cannot justify their trust anymore.

Well i see two ways, and would be glad is someone suggested another way out. Either you fight back with all you have. prove it you dint do all that you have been accused of. you try and explain that you are human, and you are new. you should and could be taken as a human and given that extra chance. you could try and understand the logic of the game and play it accordingly.

The other one is that of silence. you bear it all. you never say anything back. you never complain. You dont feel like you need to justify, cause that urge, that enthusiasm is gone. You never open your mouth about it. You choose to never crib. You choose to fight back, just that you do so in a way, that no one can say anything back to you.

People who know me, know that i have always chosen the first part in a tough situtation. I am the one who can talk your way out. But circumstance left me no choice but to try the second method. And i see a method to that madness now. Your silence kills the issue, and you win, win in a way, and probably loose in another.

I came with dreams, and more importantly, a spirit. A spirit which was ready to take on the world. But the shit has been beaten out of it. It has not been given a second chance, and has never been looked at it nicely. It was deemed to be too much to handle, and too interfering.
Its dead. Like someone said, when trust breaks, everything breaks apart. There is no cure for suspicion.

I have learnt a lesson, a lesson very few people will have the chance of learnign without stepping into the real world. I can see the real world. Like churchill said, there is nothing negative or positive, no mistakes . Its all but an experience. You can either forget it, or learn from it. This has been a lesson which will be well remembered and has been internalized.

Critics and friends, am thankful to one and all, respectively for either kicking my ass, or helping me.I still belive in hard work, and even though it has been stated that no one is indispensable, and i whole heartedly agree, there are some people who make a difference, and i have that confidence that today or tommorow, or for that matter yesterday, I did, or will. My spirit is beaten, not defeated. I just regret some actions, and regret some people. Unfortunately for them, they forgot, that am a fighter.

:) Lifes too long to be unfair to only one person always. Every dog has his day.

Fire and Ice...Robert Frost

2007-04-05T16:03:00.002+05:30

Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favour fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.

And so it goes...

2007-03-27T22:07:00.000+05:30

so what is it?

how come one day u think your life is a dead end, you have nothing more to hope for, nothing more to look forward to...
you lost the one thing in life that you had actually hoped and built up dreams for. and so it is...its final..you cant have it

and then the new day dawns, you scan the whole world around you. the human heart and mind zero on something new that you would love to love, and then again you build. you build a whole new foundation, maybe weak, maybe strong. but you build. thats the important part. the spirit does not die. it hopes, its creates, it scans, its thinks about the good, and hates the bad.

and then the whole cycle repeats. is anything in the damn world permanent?

Pursuit of Happy-ness

2007-03-25T23:08:00.000+05:30

its true,
All our life, all we do is pursue it. do we get it? when we do, we dont even know that we have reached it.

A man putting his child bfore himself is the ultimate characteristic a woman generally looks for, the sad part being, while analysing a guy, you cant see that part of him, till you guys have kids. and after you do, you cant do much about it even if he doesnt :(

its a struggle, all our actions, all the things we have done in life. it aint fair to tell us we havent struggled. but yes, we have been very lucky. extremely lucky at that. but we have had our share of struggles. they have been small, but then god has been graceful.
and i thank him for that till date :)

MORALS FROM THE MOVIE:

1.keep the faith, and he will make you get across.
2.dont leave your spouse, for anything, trust in them. you are their pillar.
3.work very hard
4.be very intelligent
5.be persuasive

Food makes the world go round..its not love..my friends..

2007-03-24T01:53:00.000+05:30

So we've heard the story. when you are in love, nothing seems to matter..we've heard it makes teh world go round.
well those who have seen me know that i love food, and those who havent, well for your informations, i do. and i love company, which i get in very good measure in one or two of my friends.
so it was big place tonite, big place, gr8 music, waiters actually treating you like king/queen.
you start with the menu, and voila! what do you choose? it takes a while for you to settle down on something. its so homely, the place, you are with freinds, three young people, who never ever discuss anything more than college maybe? but we discussed much more serious stuff, stuff which mattered today. it was nice. maybe it was teh ambience, maybe it was the people, i think it was food, it reminded you of home, and so you talked about it.

Food does unite people in the same way religion does, as the people who love fish about hilsa? or ask veggies about palak paneer, and see the glee on their face. Now what would i not do to see that again and again on their face? So what was it that i read about love making the world go round again?

Jargonising my world

2007-03-23T15:11:00.000+05:30

with every passing day in my post graduate life..i sometimes sit and wonder ? why am i learning to give out so much...so much of nonsense?
instead of writing comparison, i write juxtaposition? give me a topic in marketing and i can come up with a busniess plan, which might not be great, but will defintiely be worth a read in half an hour... but if any one reads its carefully, they wont find anything new in it..its still the same old world, with the same tried out ideas, but yes, i have learnt to put it beautifully...
i get rewarded for it too, and my friends, who are strong in their basics and maybe not so much with creative writing sessions, find it difficult to cope up with the same.
talk abt SEGMENTATION in marketing? will someone please tell me the history of the time when MBA did not exist, and people did not do SEGMENTATION? when did a business go out there without knowing who their target was?

Its fun sumtimes, but most of the times a trauma, i have leanrt full courses, and for the 40 hrs of mandatory classwork +- 20(for my work, including assignments, quizzes blah blah), what way have i grown in? well i do know how to say, wham bam, thank you ma'am in a much more sophesticated way.

extract from shall we dance?

2007-03-19T09:13:00.000+05:30

Why do people marry?

It’s because we need a witness to our lives
There are more than a billion people on the planet
So what does one life really mean?

In a marriage, you are promising to care about everything
The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things,
All of it, all the time, everyday
You are saying, your life will not go un- noticed, because
I, will notice it
You are saying, your life will not go un-witnessed, because,
I, will be your witness

रंग दे बसंती? Really?

2007-03-19T09:10:00.000+05:30

How does one open an article? Maybe by writing the theme, giving the readers the general direction of what the author has to write about? Well then I must say I am going to be a terrible read, because I don’t have theme for this article, I simply wanted to convey something in mind to everyone in India. Before I start , I must warn you , the mind I am talking about is that of a confused 22 year old , leading a life ,common to that of only about a million or more world wide . I cheer India when It plays against Pakistan, am a die hard fan of shahrukh , which does not stop me from admiring abhishek bacchan , know only about everyone, and love going for movies.
Movies! I think I can give you the general idea now, since you've had the patience to read so much. There’s one movie that I wanted to talk about, Rang De Basanti. Beautiful songs, cute actors, great action, beautiful direction, but there is this one thing which makes it special for me, and that is the sensitivity with which issues have been handled.
Remember the time when three movies on shaheed bhagat Singh came out? Or was it four? I never watched them with any of the seriousness that it was meant to be watched with, nor did it provoke any feelings of nationalism in me. I thought back, why was that people investing billions of rupees in such movies, obviously working hard to convey some meaning, failed to do so? After all I am an average person, a naïve Indian, a gullible person who believes every second person. Why is it that such creative people failed to do so? And this small time director managed to do the same? I hope, Mr. Rakesh Mehra, made this movie with some other intention than just making it a box office hit. And if not, I must inform you, that what we have here is a beautiful by- product.
I am not looking for answers. I know why this movie weaved magic, and is infecting the young minds like the bird flu, fast and swift in its work. It’s because we identify with it. Our generation does not identify itself with the old independence movement. People might comment that today’s youth is ungrateful and selfish. But take a minute off and think why are we like this? Juxtapose the two generations and think, is it because we never had to go through what you did? Or is it because we are selfish? Don’t get me wrong, I really from my heart respect all the freedom fighters and admire the sacrifices they made. But do we realize that no one knows the pain of cutting of a limb from a body than the person whose limb is being chopped off? I just wish to bring to attention that it is time people stopped blaming us youngsters for not understanding them. Because it’s not how you think, we just can’t try and understand what it must be like.
Our fight is different, and to my knowledge as tough as the earlier one. But we lack the freedom fighters, and the reason is simple. We don’t have any obvious reasons to fight back. I sit every night in my room , watch an English movie , compare it to the third grade movies in our country , talk about their technology, their actors , conveniently forgetting only about the greatest movies and actors of ours, blame the public of India of being too dumb to understand how great the western ideas are. I talk about how lazy, naïve and escapist as a race we Indians are. About a month back, one of my friends an Indian, studying in Canada, mailed me talking about how clean and nice the country there is. How thoughtful people are, how dating assumes a much nicer and elegant meaning there, comparing it with our own India, stating we should be learning from them. I replied like a true Indian, all fiery and mad at him for going to another country and stating such preposterous ideas. And by the by, what did he know of our great culture and heritage. “Atithi devo bhavah”, and how shameful of him to be stating that Canada understood the statement better than the statements birthplace. He dint deserve to be an Indian. He replied very calmly. Only happened to mention in the following twelve letters how much he had read and explored about the history of India. I was surprised, he knew much more than I did, and considering my batch mates, some of them not even knowing that India has a president, I must say I know an awful lot. Then what made him say so much against us? Surely he must have been taught as all good Indians are... that “Mera Bharat Mahan”. What went wrong?
It took me a while top realize that there is where we are wrong. There is where we have lost the fight before even launching it. Our generation has been swept not by western culture as Vishwa Hindu Parishad and RSS claim, but by a feeling of hopelessness and disbelief in ourselves as a nation. My friend was saying things against us. But where is the US? What is this us? Are we a nation? Are we together? Are we “WE” anymore? Everywhere we see, is the same story. Politics, art, entertainment education... everywhere is the same root “corruption”. I don’t intend to make it one of the million articles talking about corruption and India going to the dogs. I just want to speak out and maybe just evoke one person in the country to see my point. The movie was right. Like a person, no country is born great, no, not even India. It is made great. People become great by virtue of their actions. We are proud of our culture, I am sorry? But what culture are we talking about? The way I understand culture, it is the way a general class of people evolve and think. Our country had great fighters. So we are great.I am sure at least 40% of the Indians know about the great fighters in Vietnam, in Cuba, in Japan? In Bosnia? In Russia? In Pakistan? In Tibet? Do we hear them chanting like us? A hollow voice claiming “mera desh mahaan? Every country is proud about their past .so are we. But that is not culture. Nor is the way we choose not to talk about taboo topics , claming that our culture does not permit us to do and I am sorry but nor is the way we fear to express our opinion in front of our opinions, as it is definitely an indecent act. Is the corruption, the casteism, the poverty, the “self over state" feeling part of our culture? No. definitely not. What in the world is the author talking about? We have so many things to be proud about. And we bask in the glory of the history which our forefathers gave us. Then why don’t we accept the faults with us? Isn’t that a part of our culture too? Our history? Infact, truly speaking “our” history? Isn’t that what we are leaving behind? Every second person in my college can be heard sitting in the canteen talking about corruption, stating “yaar, India ka kuch nahi ho sakta , itne log mar ke kuch nahi kar paye, hum kya kar lenge?” we’ve lost the fight before we began.
A sorry state, don’t you think? Because these are the same people who will graduate in two years and work for companies and organizations, and claim their monetary remuneration the corruption scandals all around. No one thinks about how to change it. No body realizes that we as a country are breaking down day by day. Why should we? I am safe. I have a job , which I am sure will pay me well , and within five years I will be one of the upper class society on my own. Is that worth risking? For what? India? “Jiska aise bhi kuch nahi ho sakta?" nah! Bad deal. I would say, because in a deal you have returns, and in this case, there are probably never going to be returns. I don’t want to be over optimistic and think I can change the world. Probably I never will. Ill probably not have an honorable death in the society, after all I am not in the armed forces. I will just be a corporate world employee, who at the most knows hundred people, and about a hundred others know her.
But I want to die an honorable death. My mom always told me that a person’s death surmises how well he or she has lived his life in this world. I want to look back in life and say I tried. I want to look forward to a future where my friend will not go to Canada to do a research project under a foreign scientist, maybe the best in his world. I want to perceive a future where he will have the resources and guidance to do his research here, for this country, because I know he is brilliant, but what ever he does there, will be theirs, and not ours. I want him to give my country a hope. I don’t want half of my college to run off to America in search of better colleges, and a better pay. I want the ones who went there a decade back to come back and make our institutes’ world class. So that there would be no fascination, for America, for the coming generation. I want Chris Pattern and his likes to come to India every year from the biggies like oxford, to scout for students in India. If there is one thing I am sure and confident about. It is about the talent Indians have. Its all about channeling it, and that channel has to be provided by those who sit in their offices and lounges and crib about India not being great anymore.
People always talk about starting up from grass root levels. How India has 70% of its population below the level required to even understand the language in which I am talking, forget even understanding the theme of my article. But I do not wish to target them with this piece. my perception Is limited to the world I have seen and been a part of, a mere 30% of the people , settled in towns and cities , studying in the same schools and colleges as I am and growing the same line of thinking that I have been taught. A mere 30%? The same number which we think is great when offered as a discount on a dress? I refuse to accept that it is a small number. 30% of 10^10 is a very big number. I want to talk to the people who don’t have financial restraints similar to that of a farmer, of those living from hand to mouth. I want the genre of people living a moderately comfortable life, the families who go for outing once every six months to a hill station, and the students who are studying in universities. Can’t you make a change? Call it a sacrifice if you want to, but are it so difficult to make the sacrifice of not being privy to the bribery scandals? You don’t have to marry your daughters off with money. I am sure that they are self respecting, confident working women. They can look after themselves. Even if you fail to give them dowry, they will manage to lead a healthy life, for I am sure, there are some people out there who will marry your daughters for what they are, rather than what she brings with her. And if there is not, then the available section of boys, will have to be made to realize how much their willingness to accept dowry for the sake of their family is harming the country’s psyche. I am not asking you to stop eating; all I am asking is to stop the bulge from growing on your stomach .isn’t it sufficient if you go around in a maruti? Is it so necessary to own a Skoda? At the cost of your country? Isn’t your family happy just at being together? I am sure if you give your children the right direction in thinking, they will grow up to be happy with that. After all it’s a lot. The change has to start with the people who are self sufficient. each student , whether a part of aasu or due ,has to restrain the human tendency of excesses and live in moderation , because as Buddha put it , where desires are few, there is less disturbance, and more peace of mind. Do your part. My country is breaking down day by day and I am doing nothing about it. Contribute In your own way. Computer geniuses, bring together a forum for people who think like you. Union leaders get down in politics “the certified dirty game” and clean it with your hands. Everyone can contribute. People, who can write, should write. People, who can act, can enact plays on social issues, which will not require a lot of money or beaurocratic permissions, directors can produce socially conscious movies. The registered organizations are not going to get your anywhere; you know it better than me. If anything, they are organizations for an organized crime.
I have always heard that it is every person’s responsibility to vote for our leaders.
Well I am 22, past four years the age which permits me to vote. I have not tried getting a voters id, and nor will, till I see an alternative to the parties we have today. You might claim it to be wrong, but my conscience calls my brain and tells me it’s all right, because there is no concept of lesser evil which has to be supported. There has to be outright rejection for these goons.
There has to be a wave of action from everyone. There have to be Bhagat Singhs and Chandra Shekhar Azads all over again, this time clad in jeans rather than kurtas, sporting a bike rather than a cycle. After all, we have the lineage of the people who made it possible once, driving the British out. Our fight is different, but can’t we do it all over again?
And if you don’t wish to be a part of this, the least you can do is not to compare and deride India in front of all other nations. And for heaven’s sake don’t sit in your canteens and blame the rest of India not doing anything. At least we are trying. Recently saw a documentary “closer to reality” by a students group and I was so happy to see there are so many who share my line of thinking and values. We have to wake every person around us from their sleep. I have a dream for India, not which Gandhi had, but my own, and I might not live to see the disintegration of India, but I wish to see a new dawn, which threatens to break years of our complacency and ignorance. After all, America took 300 years to reach where it is. We took just 50 for it to consider us a worthwhile ally. We are not that bad as a race, are we?